Awareness vs. Privacy

Isn't it nice those times in life when decisions are made for you? When you've been struggling with the right choice and suddenly and unexpectedly your need for a decision is taken away. That just happened to me last week.

I have been really torn for the last few weeks over whether or not to leave the Autism Awareness magnetic ribbon on the back of my car or not. Immediately after we shared the news of Zachary's diagnosis with everyone I bought this magnet and placed it proudly on the rear of my car. I did this for a few reasons:
1 - I do truly believe in the need to make the public more aware of Autism. It's so widespread, and yet most people are completely unfamiliar with it.
2 - Right after Zachary was diagnosed, I began noticing these magnets and bumper stickers on cars. The very first time I saw one I had to pull over because I was crying so hard. It was immensely comforting to me to know that we were not alone here in Woodstock, GA with a child with Autism. There are others out there (tons!) and it was very comforting for me to see these people around my community. If I could be that anonymous comfort for someone on the road with me, then that alone is worth displaying the ribbon.

Now that six months or so has passed with the ribbon awareness magnet on my car, I've had second thoughts about it. I wonder if this is a hugely unfair invasion of Zachary's privacy. Yes, he's only 3 years old. And no, he wouldn't know the difference if someone looks at us funny when we get out of the car after they've noticed the Autism advertisement on my car... but is it right to hang such a personal, bold statement about a child that can't have a vote on the matter on my car? I just wasn't thinking so anymore. That would be like someone with Bipolar Disease or Depression - both recognized illnesses with diagnosis', displaying some type of sticker "advertising" that they have it. You'll never see that. It's far too personal, and truthfully doesn't make up the entirety of a person. Well neither does Zachary's autism. It goes back to an old debate of does he HAVE autism, or IS he autistic? I believe that he HAS autism, not that he IS autistic solely because autism doesn't define him in his entirety. It is a PART of who he is. So for that reason, I had about decided that it was time for me to quit invading his privacy by letting anyone who sees our car know that the child inside has autism. He also has a cute smile, an amazing memory, a talent for music, a love of Sesame Street, a fun personality, etc, etc, etc... do they make magnets for all those things too? As that would only be fair!!! :-)

SO... with the decision still pending, but leaning towards removal of the magnet, I go out on a quick shopping spree and get a car wash on Saturday, only to return home and discover that the magnet is gone. POOF! Did someone remove it from my car while I was shopping? I'm not sure. Did it come off in the car wash? It never had in the past, but who knows... the fact is that my decision was made for me, and it was great - as I knew I'd never have to regret my decision to remove it or leave it now. It was the smallest thing, but at the same time a very huge, ethical and emotional decision that I was glad I didn't have to make!

1st Day Back at School

After three full, and very long weeks with no school, Zachary was back in the saddle today with his big double class day! As a reminder, he starts at 7:45 in the special ed class, then goes across the hall to his "typical" classroom of 11 other 3-4 year olds until 12:00. Anyway, he was all kinds of excited when he saw me pull the ol' school bag out of the closet last night saying "school tomorrow! school tomorrow! Zachy go to school tomorrow!" The poor thing is so bored with me after 3 weeks :-)

Anyway, he did great today! I warned the teachers that we had a regression over the break on the potty front, but that he's been getting back into his groove for the last few days with fewer and fewer accidents. I think that's directly related to the fact that all his therapy's have been occurring as usual the last week or so again, so that helps him get back regimented, which he needs. Anyway, he did great at school today. When I saw the teacher walking him out for carpool, all I cared about was the pants that he had on. That's how I can immediately tell if there was an accident or not. And they were the same jeans!!! YAY!!!! He got in the car and the teacher said that he was very happy, very focused (a great word for us to hear!) and did great overall. Good stuff.

Then this afternoon he was turning on ceiling fans around the house, while I was turning them off behind him. I finally took the remotes for the fans from the wall and he was not happy about that. He actually said "Mommy, turn the fan on" to me. That is so huge, you could never know. Normally it would be "fan on" or "fan is on" or "mommy fan on". But I tell you these last few weeks may have been a little boring with no school and minimal therapy for him, and he may have regressed in potty training, but his speech gains have been amazing. The kiddo has all the words he needs to make full sentences and "talk" to us regularly, he just doesn't do it. So hearing "Mommy, turn the fan on" was a huge step! I usually only hear that when I prompt/force him to say a full sentence. I can't wait to tell his Speech Therapist tomorrow! Unprompted, full sentences are exactly what we've been working towards for over a year and a half now! YAY!!!