A Special Question

Zachary's little sister Katie has started school. She is only going two days a week because of her age. Yesterday was a school day. When Daddy got home and was saying his "hi's" to all 3 kids he asked Katie if she had fun at school. Because you have just get simple answers from her right now, we tend to ask yes/no questions and talk about "fun". So he said - "Did you have fun today at school? Did you have fun with Mrs. Marilyn and Mrs. Meg?" Zach was near by and he said "Mommy, is Mrs. Meg Katie's special teacher, or is she just a regular teacher?" And that broke my heart.

Zach hasn't had a "special" teacher, or been in "special" school for 3 years now. He was totally mainstreamed in Pre-K, Kindergarten and now in 1st Grade. So he was 3-4 the last time he was around a "special" environment. But he clearly remembers. The question is what does he think of it??? Does he realize that having a "special" teacher is unique, or does he think everyone has one at some point? I don't know. I don't think he could explain his thoughts thoroughly if I were to ask him. I look forward to a time about 5-10 years from now when I can ask him about his early years and see what he really knows and understands. He hasn't heard in his presence the word autism in years. We made a point of that. But does he still know that he's different?

It saddens me that he asked at all about Katie's teacher though. A 6 year old shouldn't be aware of a difference in teachers, and kids, and that certain people have different types of learning environments. I assure you that he doesn't know another kid his age that had a "special" teacher, and maybe that's why he's trying to see if Katie has one or not - searching for a reason why he did?? Or maybe not - perhaps he has no clue the concept of the word "special" and how very deep that word goes. That is what I'm hoping for.

Moving Forward

Wow - a long, long time! In these days of three kids and just plain busy-busyness my blog has suffered. I think that the main reason is because there just isn't as much to report anymore. Thank God. Zach is amazing. He's doing amazing. He completed K with amazing, INDEPENDENT progress and has just about entirely lost his Autism label - in our eyes anyway. I really don't think that anyone meeting him for the first time would know anything is different about him anymore. So I haven't had that feeling to update this blog. We are no longer in any type of therapy at all. He does piano lessons and takes karate and is doing fantastic at both. And neither business is aware of his diagnosis. And he's had no issues what so ever. In fact both have commented on his ability to retain what he learns rather quickly. He's a fun loving, easy going, buttons pushing totally TYPICAL 6 year old boy now. And God am I ever proud of his progress.

He starts 1st grade on Monday, in a totally typical classroom setting again this year, with a very minimal IEP. I expect to hear nothing but totally normal feedback as any other parent of any other kid in the class would. I no longer worry about the "weird" things he may do, or any trouble he may cause to a teacher, as those things just don't occur anymore. We never, ever in a million years thought it would happen so fast... this "normalcy" - but it did. And I am forever and ever grateful and indebted to our fantastic therapists along the way, my husbands job for allowing us to pay the unbelievable price of private therapy for 4 long years, myself and my husband for being great parents to a little boy that needed a lot of extra help for a long time, and of course to the most amazing son a parent could ask for - for just going along with all of the demanding therapy, scheduling chaos, flashcards at home, and sometimes insanely overwhelmed and tired parenting! He is one amazing little dude. I can't wait to sit down with him when he's in his 30's and tell him all about the lessons he taught me about life, the amazing obstacles he overcame, and how he came to be the man that he is. This will all be a faded memory that I will have to look back at journals to remember :-) Well.... maybe not - but I know for sure that I will no longer think of Zach and Autism as one entity. And that was an impossible thought and wish a mere two years ago!

Continuing to move forward....

Zachary is a big brother.... again!

Yes, yes - little Emily was born over the weekend! So Zach is now Mr. Big Shot with two little sisters! He still wants a brother, but he's just going to have to move past that as it's not going to happen for him! :-) He was so excited at the hospital to meet little Emily, anxious to hold her and see her with her eyes open. He's been just as thrilled to have here home these first few days too. I think it will be a perfect blend for him, just like he was with Katie - interested, but not too much, which is great! We are making extra sure that he gets special attention so that he doesn't feel left out too - but truthfully Zach does a pretty good job himself of making sure he gets the attention that he wants these days!!! :-) HA!

Aside from the sibling excitement, there's really not been much to report about him, thus the lack of posts here. Truthfully, I'm not sure how much longer I'll even keep posting to this blog. He's just not an autistic kid to me anymore. He doesn't have the massive issues and hurdles facing him anymore. There's just not much to tell. And everything that there IS to tell, proves that there's just not going to be much more to tell anymore :-)

For instance, the only "real" updates that I have are:

1 - His Occupational Therapist has decided that he has run his course with her. She no longer thinks that he needs to see her! So now we are down to just one session of Speech Therapy a week! Much improved from the last 3 years of two Speech's and 1 Occupational Therapy each and every week.

2 - His session with the Developmental Pediatrician went phenomenally well! He's just blowing everyone away with his progress.

3 - His school teacher is flat out the most perfect fit for him. We feel so blessed that Zach was placed with her. She sees issues, brings them to my attention along with a suggested solution, and then implements them in the class. She is on the ball and by her being so, he's been able to be successful and move past the small little things that arise that could cause long term problems but instead are nipped in the bud by her. God bless her!

So as you can see, all is well in Zach land. Not to say that he won't need continued help, extra coaching and so on - but he's really just A KID now. And we're so thrilled to finally just let him be that!

A Skipped Anniversary

OH

MY

WORD

I cannot believe it! I just can't!!! I was just telling a friend about how our 3-day diagnosis "event" went for Zach, and then I said that things may have changed in the way the doc does diagnosis' now since it has been over three years since Zach was diagnosed...

Do you see it?

OVER THREE YEARS!!!!

Do you know what that means???

That means that I missed his three year anniversary. That I didn't make a big deal out of it, or even remember it. Sure we moved a few weeks prior, and sure we have busier lives the year than in the years past - but COME ON! To miss his three year AUTISM DIAGNOSIS??? How in the world can a parent forget about something like that?

I'll tell you how...

Because I no longer look at Zach as an autistic kid. I no longer count the months that we've been going at it aggressively in therapy to see exactly how far he's come in a certain time frame. I no longer scan the internet regularly for autism news or read (literally) 15 people's blogs that have kids with autism to compare my son to theirs. I no longer cry every night when I go in to check on him before I go to bed myself, praying over him that he will get better, that he will find words. And I no longer talk, talk, talk about Autism as if it is the only thing in the world to me. And all of that is because of our hard working, smart son who has done what we (and his developmental doc) didn't even think would happen - he started Kindergarten this year FULLY mainstreamed, and is doing just fine thank you! You go boy!

But I look forward to forgetting June 17th, 2009 as well :-)

Day #3 Update

If you haven't read the previous post - read it first.....

I just picked Zach up from school and got my 3 magic wishes:
1 - Same pants on? CHECK!
2 - A happy Zach? CHECK!
3 - Correspondence from his teacher about how the morning went after I left? CHECK!

The first two speak for themselves, and as for the third - I got a very nice note from his teacher updating me (I love her!!!). She writes that he did cry for about 10 minutes after being pried off of me this morning. The Special Ed teacher that isn't really his teacher, but is there to help out or check in on him as needed came into the classroom and was able to distract him. She took him to her classroom briefly just for a quick change of scenery then brought him back to his classroom where he was fine for the rest of the day. She writes that he did great and was very happy. And when I asked him if he made any new friends today, he told me "yes, a boy named Shane that is in my class too." A "typical" boy, mind you :-) YAY! So it looks like all turned out well.

And as for tomorrow morning, he's going to ride in with the neighbor previously mentioned, and get out of her car with his long time friend and they will both walk together to their classrooms, which are right across the hall from each other. It will be both of their first times getting dropped off and not walked in with a parent. I think that he will do fine because I won't be there, but she is prepared to have to walk him in if he refuses like this morning - but I really don't think that will happen since he'll have a buddy with him this time. He's very much a monkey-see-monkey do kid! We'll see....

Kindergarten has Arrived!!!

Or rather Zach has arrived in Kindergarten! Either way you look at it, Monday was the big day and this is the big week! He was very shy and apprehensive towards all of our questioning and discussions with him the week leading up to Kindergarten. We supposed that the nerves were getting to him, although we'd never hear him say that he's nervous or anything of the sort - not sure he knows the words for his emotions. But he did say "scared" at one point, which opened the door for us to tell him about how both Mommy and Daddy also went to Kindergarten, and to describe all the fun things that go on during a day at school there.

Most likely as a direct result of this build-up to the new school year, and combined with the lack of mental stimulation the end of the summer was bringing, Zach had been having many potty slips over the last two weeks. We would explain that he needs to stop doing that or he can't go to Kindergarten/will be made fun of by the other kids/needs to be a big boy - and on and on - all the things we've been saying for yearSSSS now. But it's very serious now, and I think he was starting to get that. Hence the nervousness about starting on the first day. A typical first day Kindergartner of course has lots of anxiety and fear/excitement emotions going on - but add to ALL of that, for a little 5 year old mind, the potty worries on top of it and well, I understand why he was so reluctant to talk with us about it.

Zach will be a car rider this year. Mommy is just not ready for the bus yet :-) And we have a neighbor that we'll be carpooling with, so it will work out well. So the first day of school, Mommy AND Daddy went with him! We walked him in to his classroom, did all the photo and video stuff (of course!) , gave our hugs and kisses and went about our way, leaving him happily situated behind us. It went very well!!! When I picked him up, he was still all about excitement! BUT, he had on his "back up" shorts that is a must for his backpack right now. I asked what happened and he told me that he peed in his pants. Ugh! So that started a whole afternoon and evening of yet more potty discussions. Something we are soooooo tired of! And he must be too. But it worked! Day two - you should have seen the smile on my face at carpool when he came walking to the car with the same shorts on! It's crazy that I care more about that than how his day actually went - but for us, potty success is much more important right now for our 5 1/2 year old than any other daily occurrence.

So that brings us to today... the 3rd day of Kindergarten. He woke up immediately saying that he didn't want to go to Kindergarten anymore. Huh??? No word of this as he fell asleep last night still reeling from the success of the day. He tells me that he's all done with Kindergarten and that he wants to stay home with Mommy and Katie. What??? He "hates" me right now, and frequently tells me that he doesn't want to be with just the girls, but wants to be with boys. He says this often. So I knew immediately that something was up....

...which brings me to the only other issue going on regarding school, other than the potty pressure he's under. He was THRILLED day one when I picked him up to tell me that his friend Parker was in his class! Thrilled I tell ya'. That's all that he would talk about. So I was excited for him too - to already know someone and have a friend? GREAT! So I ask him where he knows Parker from and he tells me "Mrs. Kay's class". Well.... Mrs. Kay is a special ed teacher that he's had for the last 3 school years. So great... Parker is another special needs kiddo too. ***I mean NO DISRESPECT to special needs kids, I just don't want a crutch for Zach in his "mainstreamed" classroom. He obviously and understandably is going to stick to a kid like him socially and that is not at all what he want. At all. SO... Day 2 - I bring it up to his teacher, but found that I really didn't need to. She was already on it day 1 when she noticed them sticking together. They will now be separated when in the classroom together, and I was told that Parker actually leaves the class for about 4 hours of the day every day. He goes to other special needs classes. So this made me feel better that they aren't together all day, and that when they are they can't get lost in each other.

So... Day #2 comes and Zach doesn't have his buddy anymore. I bet it made him sad. And that makes me very sad. And I'll put money of the fact that that's why he doesn't want to go to school anymore. His friend is gone and now he's alone again. And it sucks as a parent. But it's the right thing for him, and for Parker for that matter. Zach will make other friends. He did last year in a totally "typical" classroom. It will take time, but he will just like every other kid in his class.

Now back to today, day #3, and this morning with him not wanting to go to Kindergarten anymore. He would not get out of the car at carpool. Granted, it was our first try at me not walking him in to his class - but I was still shocked. He was prepared for carpool mentally, and it's not like he hasn't done carpool for the last 3 years!!! But he unbuckled and went to the back bench and curled up. And that was that. So I had to get out of the line and go park and walk him in. And then.... the teacher had to PRY him off of me for me to be able to leave. It was awful.

So I sit here more anxious today than any other day this week waiting to go pick him up. Of course the first thing I will care about is what shorts he has on. And the second is what his disposition is. I will immediately look in his backpack to see if his teacher was kind enough to tell me how he did after I left. And then I will try, try, try to get him to talk to me about his day. But that's its own battle.

I thought the first day was going to be the hard one... not the 3rd!!! And who knows what the 4th will bring!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Summer Update

Sorry for the long absence here! We've had a busy summer with the move in early June. Things are finally settled a bit and I've realized that I needed to update this blog!

Zach has had a good, but crazy June! He was in two different week-long camps, and he truthfully did wonderfully at both! If you would have told me a year ago that I would send him off to these camps, with people that I've never met running them - or more importantly people that have never met/don't know about Zach personally running them - I'd have never believed it! He's come so far....

The first camp was a YMCA camp. He was there from 9-1 all week long with a bunch of his buddies. I wasn't too worried about this one just because of the fact that there were so many other kids that he knew in there with him. But there's still the independent worries - his potty accidents (which are back again as a result of the schedule shake-up since school's been out!), the worry that he won't communicate his needs well, and on and on. But there wasn't a single issue all week long! I was so proud of him, and he truly had a great time!

The second camp was a bit more stressful. This one was for rising Kindergartners called Safety Town. It's purpose was to spend each day teaching these kids about fire, water, poison, animal, bus, and stranger safety. It was GREAT for him! He learned so much there too! But it was scary because I was dropping him off (with no friends this time) alone at a school where 95% of the people working the camp were teenage volunteers. Yikes!!! But I have to say that they were good kids and the reports I got each day were great too. That was a huge step for me, and even though I walked away the first morning after leaving him wondering if I'd just made a HUGE mistake, and thinking that I shouldn't drive home for the few hours, but rather stay there in the parking lot just in case - I drove home, worried a bit for a few hours, anxiously picked him up and found that all was well. He did just fine. When I walked in to get him he was sitting on the floor listening to a police officer's spiel just like all the other kids. No issues. Just a big boy out on his own and doing fine!!!

So aside from these two busy back and forth camp weeks and the big move, we've had Katie's 1st birthday too! Zach showed some prominent signs of jealousy and acted out a good bit through her actual birthday festivities and the party - but I think that's normal for a sibling. Especially for the first time ever that he's had someone else have a birthday and get the spotlight.

July will bring a week long, very much needed beach vacation. And he will have a 2nd week at the YMCA camp. And then we'll gear up for the big K to start the first week of August. It will be a fast rest of the summer, that's for sure! And truthfully I think Zach would be happy if he understood that, as I know that he's craving the structure and stimulation of school vs. all the down time of summer. But of course, a new school, new teacher, new classmates, new rules and a longer day are all going to bring a lot of stress for mommy and a lot of adaptation for Zach! But with the success of the two camps, I have a renewed faith in Zach's ability to go with the flow, figure things out, and be a big boy! Once again - so proud of how far he's come!!!

Last Day of School Reflection and Goodness

I never thought I'd be one of those Mom's that would cry with anything related to the first day of school or especially the last day of school. I'm just not quite that way. But then again, I never thought I'd have a special needs child now did I? :-) So yesterday was the last day of school, and the last day of a 4 year stint at the same "wee school" for Zachary. It's on to a new school and a new phase in his life next.

I wasn't thinking emotionally at all when I went to pick him up. It was like any other carpool day. He walked out to the car with his teacher like normal. There were two other kids from his class with her - who happened to be his best buds Emily and Liam. We were all saying our goodbye's and Zach went to give his friends and teacher hugs. Emily said that she'd see him over the summer because she told her mommy that she wanted him to come over and play. Liam said that he wanted to go to the playground with Zach this summer too. It was an excited goodbye. Zach got in the car. I shut the door, and we were off. Nothing too emotional. As I'm pulling out, I notice a note in Zach's school bag. It read:

"To Zachary's Mom,
I know Kai has enjoyed playing with Zachary so much this year that I wanted to give you our phone number in case we can get the boys together over the summer. We hope to see you both.
Carissa and Kai (and a phone number, of course!)"

Okay, that did it. Queue the tears.

Kai is a kid in another class that played on the playground at the same time as Zachary's class. Like Liam and Emily, Kai is also a very "typical" child who has obviously taken a liking to Zach, for his mother to send a note requesting a play date. This moves me beyond words. I'll struggle here to explain... Not only did these three amazing kids make ALL the difference in a successful school year for Zach, but they have given us as parents the hope that we needed. They've shown us that Zach can fit in, and be liked even! Too many other times in our routine play groups I see Zach shunned. And he's getting to an age that I can tell he's aware of it. He turns "off", or goes off by himself. And it kills me to watch. So when he's at school, and I can't even see for myself what's going on, all I can do is pray for little Emily's, Liam's and Kai's to come along and accept him. And thankfully these kids are out there. And thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, Zach is WANTING to be liked and to have friends and to be a part of things. All very UNcommon with autism.

So it was an emotional last day of school for sure. Four years that I can quickly sum up:
The 1st Year: Innocence and excitement - but noticing a little "strangeness" in him when comparing him to his peers for the first time
The 2nd Year: We'll just call this "The Diagnosis Year" and leave it as an understood that it was basically and emotional, scrambling, researching, praying and all in all hellacious year
The 3rd Year: Hoping he'll survive in a typical environment, praying for progress
The 4th Year: Success on his own in a typical classroom with no aide or special attention of any kind for the first time since The 1st Year. REAL friends and TRUE successes!

How could I not cry when looking back at that and really, truly grasping our journey these last four years? I hope to never, ever go through anything like that again. But I can't say enough how much I respect and treasure every word and action from my son like I would have never done had it not been for these years...