Is this autism or not?

Sometimes it is very, very hard to distinguish between what behavioral characteristics are the "Autistic Zach's" and what are the "normal 3 year old Zach's" It's always a guessing game. But we catch ourselves trying too quickly sometimes to validate some of his behaviors as "part of why he's autistic" and not giving credit where credit is due in that he IS an almost 4 year old BOY with natural curiosities and a built-in will to test his limits. That's what this age is all about right? But is he right on target, or a little over the edge with his actions? Who knows. It's very hard to try and correct things with him, or to try and explain anything abstract (Zach - it's going to hurt his feelings if you take that toy from him again) because he can't see and really "get" what we mean. But then again, he can learn that he shouldn't be doing something regardless of whether or not he does "get" it. So do we use autism as a crutch sometimes? Innocently, just not knowing. It's tough.

I'm referring to a few recent examples:

Zach is in two schools as I've mentioned previously. One is for Special Needs children and it's through the county system. The other is a "typical" classroom with kids his age all of which are "normal". I created a little form for the typical class teacher to fill out for me each week so that I can know exactly what is going on with him in that classroom, as I obviously can't be there to see for myself. I want to know what he's doing good at, what he needs help with, and then most importantly are the few blank lines for them to write whatever they want. It is usually very pleasant things; Zachary is really smart, or he is a joy to have in the class, etc. Well this past week the note said "Zachary is having a hard time listening. He will only come in from the playground when we go and get him." SO... is this typical for his age? Probably. But should he be giving in to authority more often and willingly? Who knows - I've not had another child that age before to compare.

Then today, he wanted a snack so I opened the pantry for us to decide on what he wants. He picked out the one box of crackers that he can't have (they are VERY spicy). So when I tell him no, he loses it. I mean meltdown city. Okay, so that's pretty normal and age appropriate I'd guess. So I try to move on and find something else that peaks his interest. I find a similar cracker, just without the spice. He freaks out because it's not the exact same box that he wanted before. So I have to pull a major trick over on him making him think I did in fact pour a cup full of the other crackers when in fact he got the ones he didn't want. And you know what - he was totally fine with it. Didn't notice the difference and ate every one of them. So it was totally that he wanted to get his way. And as far as he knows, he did in fact win that round.

I just feel like we have a lot of manipulation to go through every day with him to make him think that things are one way when they aren't. That probably doesn't make sense. Sorry. I guess the point of this whole post is just simply, it's hard to separate the autism from the boy and to find the right way to take action to improve his "bad" behaviors.