Strength

As most of you know, I am an avid scrapbooker. An addict really :-) I have been re-doing all of our wedding albums over the last few weeks, as they were a little unprofessional looking and there were literally 4 of them; a wedding day one, the rest of the time in Jamaica, a wedding reception one, and one with showers and my bachelorette party, etc. Craziness. SO... it's been a huge task, but one I've totally enjoyed as I've been revisiting that time in our lives 7+ years ago. Hardly any of the couples in the pictures were married yet. None of us had kids yet. It was a different time. Then I came across a picture of Matt and I looking very happy - one of those true, genuine smiles on both of our faces! And I stopped for a good long while just looking at that picture. I saw a look on both of our faces that I truly haven't seen in a picture in over a year. It's not that we don't smile anymore, or laugh anymore, or even that we aren't ever happy anymore - because we do and we are, it's just that we haven't had that everything-is-absolutely-perfect look and feeling inside in a while. Raising a child with Special Needs is a constant challenge. Even when we are at a fun activity (like the Wiggles show last night) we are happy that he is happy - but we are also happy that he is participating, talking, etc - things that "typical" children's parents don't have to think about. So I guess the point is that even a happy time still has traces of Autism in it. It doesn't leave us.

So I looked at that picture of us and couldn't help but think that the Matt and Courtney of 1999 had no idea that one day they'd be the parents of a child with Autism. That they would be tested to the extreme. That they would learn patience, endurance, persistence, and how to fight for what their little boy needs. That they would become far stronger individuals than they ever thought possible. That they would learn that every little word, every sentence, and every action from their son would be celebrated. And that they would be able to handle it all, and maintain a relationship with each other as well. That Matt and Courtney had no idea.

But I also saw in other pictures a couple that is now divorced, but looked happier than ever that day. A couple that wasn't yet married, that would eventually have a very strong marriage and be tested by the heartbreaking loss of their child. And I saw many other changes in people that we of course weren't aware would happen on that happy day in 1999. It's hard to guess what the future holds. And it's hard to know that you will be able to handle, manage and persevere when those challenges are a part of your life. But we do. And we are. And we will continue to do so.

I only hope that when 7 more years pass by, and I'm one day looking back at pictures of 2006, that I can see how different we were "back then" and how far we've come as a family. And I know in my heart that Zach will be sitting beside me as a curious 10 year old, asking me all about the pictures and people he's looking at in my scrapbooks :-)